


Dumb Demons Dinner (D.D.D.)

by Nanostin



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: F/M, Humor, Light-Hearted, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25327771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanostin/pseuds/Nanostin
Summary: The demon brothers' dinner is more chaotic than usual, especially when Satan's prank for Lucifer horribly backfires on him.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	Dumb Demons Dinner (D.D.D.)

**Author's Note:**

> The main character is referred to by her default name, Yuki. I got so used to that being her name while playing the game that I forgot that she's not an actual character and is supposed to be a self-insert for the players... She's still an actual character in my heart and mind.

Satan: Hey Yuki, can I trust you to keep a secret?

Yuki: What kind of secret? (Confused sticker)

Satan: Nothing serious.

Satan: I just have a funny idea in mind…

Satan: Something to mess with Lucifer.

Satan: I’ll keep it a surprise, but you should keep the camera on your D.D.D. ready for when dinner comes to record the moment.

-END-

Dinner has finally arrived and the demons all gathered at the wide dining table along with Yuki like they usually do. By then, Yuki’s curiosity for what Satan’s surprise could be was killing her.

Satan was on food duty for the day, so whatever his surprise was, she was thinking that it had to do with the food. Maybe something really odd was in the mix, but now that she looks at the meal set up on the table of devil goat legs and roasted lizards, nothing odd really stood out.

Lucifer sat where he usually always does, but he was a little surprised to see Satan take the seat right next to him as if it was nothing. He smiles a bit to himself, but that smile quickly drops into a frown when he notices a tiny spec on his cup of cider. It’s nothing much, but for him, who prefers perfection, it was really bothersome. ‘Of course Satan would give me the dirty dishes,’ he complains in his head. As Satan was smiling rather deviously at Yuki- for whatever reason- Lucifer casually switches his drink with Satan’s.

Seeing Lucifer take a sip of his drink, Satan’s grin widens while being sure to not seem too suspicious. He might have done something to Lucifer’s drink all for his sheer enjoyment. Specifically, he might have spiked his drink, and the substance he used might have been some kind of magic to make a person behave ten times more drunk than they usually would.

Satan nudges his head ever so slightly to Yuki as a sign of telling her that his surprise for Lucifer is in action. Yuki tries to not come off as suspicious while she keeps an eye on Lucifer, waiting for something to happen. ‘Should I really have let him go with his plan…?’ she questions in her head.

Wanting to act natural, Satan took a bite out of his own meal and sipped his cider- oh. That’s funny. He suddenly feels tipsy. Well, Lucifer still seems to be in order… “Ooooh…” 

It hits him that somehow, his plan to mess with Lucifer backfired on him as he’s the one who got the spiked drink. 

“Did you say something, Satan?” Asmodeus asks, sitting on the other side of him. 

“Nope, nothing,” Satan responds. He purposely answers with a few words so he won’t slip out something that’ll give him away.

Asmodeus watches him for a little more before he snorts, “Don’t tell me you already got drunk off of cider.”

“Of course not.” He forces a smile, wishing that Asmodeus would leave him alone.

“Okay, whatever you say.”

Satan doesn’t know if he truly convinced him, but at least he got him off his case. Now to deal with his behaviour… ‘This should be fine, all I have to do is distract myself to calm down…’

He looks across the table to where Leviathan and Mammon sits and listens in on the little conversation they’re having.

“It’s not fair that I get the worn-out chair and you get the good one, Mammon,” Leviathan complains.

Mammon offers without a seconds delay, “Give me a certain load of moolah now and I’ll switch places with ya right away.”

“No way!”

“Then no good chair for you.” Mammon goes back to eating his food as Leviathan goes back to slumping, “I should have come earlier, but then I wouldn’t have finished the latest episode of the anime: My Pet Octopus is Actually an Alien Who Transforms Into a Super Moe Girl. This sucks… this really sucks…”

Getting bothered by his brother’s whines, Mammon huffs, “Aw come on, you’re ruinin’ the mood! If I trade places with you, would you shut up?”

“Yep, gladly!” Leviathan’s depressed expression immediately switched to a happy one.

They both switch seats and Leviathan goes back to looking distressed, tapping his fingers against the table. With a rough groan, Mammon asks, “What now?”

“I never noticed that you were sitting next to Beel, he’s terrible to sit next to.”

Beelzebub questions while chewing on his food, “Wha whuz tha? Somezing wong?” Tons of spit landed on Leviathan’s head from that one sentence.

“Fine, I’ll switch back, but no more backsies!” Mammon huffs, getting off his seat.

“What are you, a kid? And I can take all the backsies I want!” Leviathan shoots back, coming back to his original seat. They stay quiet for a good second until Leviathan says, “I feel gross sitting on a chair that you just sat on.”

“Stop whining, damn it!” Mammon shouts in annoyance.

“I get to whine all I want since I have to sit near an idiot like you!” Leviathan shouts back.

“I’m the idiot?! You stupid otaku!”

“Stop using ‘otaku’ as if it’s an insult, stupid normie!”

A fistfight begins to break out between the two and Lucifer gets up from his seat, shouting, “Leviathan! Mammoooon!”

Immediately, the two stop, going back to their original seats. Mammon had his head down, trying to hide his obvious fear.

‘Watching those two was a mistake,’ Satan thought, shaking his head. He felt as if he was drunker than before. ‘Alright, no need to worry… I just have to focus on something else.’ He’s so glad that he brought a book with him. He opens it to the page where he left off on and furrows his brows at the words. ‘Wow… Wow…! What the…? Did the magic in my drink mess up the words in my book, too? I never knew it could do that! Whoaaaa…’

Unbeknownst to Satan, he’s been repeatedly saying “wow” and “whoa” aloud and not in his head like he thought he was. 

“Reading something good, Satan?” Asmodeus asks, resting one of his cheeks against his knuckles.

“Yessss,” Satan wanted to smack himself on the head for slurring.

“Ooo, what’s it about?”

“It’s too hard of a plot to explain.”

“Oooh, I see,” Asmodeus nods his head to show that he understands. “Just a little tip, but it might help to read better if you don’t hold the book upside down.”

Suddenly, the “messed up words” that Satan was trying to figure out makes a whole lot of sense. “Haha, just trying out a new style. Haha. Hahaha. Hahahaha hee hee!” He doesn’t know why, but everything seems really funny to him all of a sudden that he can’t contain his laughter.

Asmodeus joins him in his laughter, “Hahaha! Satan, are you drunk~?” 

“Yep~!”

“Did someone spike your drink~?”

“Nope~!”

“Hmmm… Did you try to spike Lucifer’s drink~?”

“Yep~!”

“Uh-huh, and you ended up doing it to your own?”

“Yep-” Satan cuts himself off by smacking his face against both of his hands, hiding his dread over not being able to contain himself and spilling his stupid mistake to someone. 

“I knew it!” Asmodeus gleams. He puts a finger against his lips and winks as he cooes, “Just for you, I’ll keep it a secret from Lucifer of your embarrassing mess up.”

“Oh? And for what?”

“For an exchange; I’ll make sure Lucifer doesn’t notice you’re drunk and you’ll let me take a picture of your bare body in return.”

“What?”

“Don’t worry, I’m only talking about the upper part of your body. I want to have pictures of every one of my brother’s bodies,” Asmodeus bubbles about it as if it’s nothing weird.

Satan felt like he shouldn’t ask, but still, he asks, “Why?”

“Y’know. To admire them and list the pros and cons… and to see just how beautiful my own body is in the end.” 

Asmodeus really is special.

“Oh, well if that’s the case, then sure.” He definitely wouldn’t have so easily agreed if he wasn’t tipsy- and he definitely wouldn’t have started taking off his coat without a second thought, being stopped by Asmodeus who hurriedly took a hold of his wrist and stammered, “Whoa- whoa- whoa- cool it! Not here, silly. Okay, so maybe that was kinda my fault, haha. You’re really drunk, what kind of alcohol or drug did you put in?”

“Magic.”

“Ah, right. Of course.”

It was a good thing that Lucifer hasn’t been listening in on them since he had to give all of his attention on Mammon, who was pouting to Belphegor, “Come on, Belphie, switch places with me!”

“Why? So you can sit next to Yuki?” Belphegor asks.

“No way! I only wanna get away from Levi, it has nothin’ to do with Yuki...!”

“Good, because I want to sit next to her.”

“...Get up, Belphie!”

“Zzzz… Sleeping… Can’t move…”

“Seriously!? Beel, switch places with me!”

Beelzebub looks at the mountains of plates in front of him and then back at Mammon, giving him a look that reads, “Do you really want me to move all of these dishes?”

“Nevermind. Belphie, move!” Mammon starts shaking him and Belphegor pretends to snore louder.

“Yuki, say somethin’!” Mammon orders, turning to her for help.

“Mammon, shush. Belphie is sleeping,” Yuki whispers, wanting to tease him. Belphegor couldn’t help but smile over that, but he continued to keep his eyes closed.

“What the-?! Fine, I’ll go back to where I was before,” Mammon grumbled. He stomps over to his original seat and sees that Leviathan was resting his legs on it while watching an anime on his phone. He pauses the video and looks up at Mammon, saying with a cheeky smirk, “Oh, I’m sorry, lol. Did you want to sit here? Lololol. The seat is taken, lmao.”

“Gah! Now you’re just tryin’ to piss me off!” Mammon shouted in frustration.

Lucifer could only sigh, “The sheer idiocy… Maybe I should give them all a stern lecture about a thing called maturity.”

“Maybe I should give you a stern lecture about a thing called not being a jerk, Lucifer,” Satan says- or at least he tried to say, but what came out sounded more like, “Mayyyyee I should give you azern nehture nnnnnnn…”

Noticing that Satan was talking to him, Lucifer puzzles, “Are you speaking gibberish or is that some kind of language in the human world that you read about?”

Asmodeus pats Satan’s shoulder while forcing out a laugh, “Haha! Wow, Satan, all that spicy food you ate sure did mess up your tongue. Here, eat something that’s not spicy to calm you down.”

The next thing Satan knew, he got a spoon full of flaming crow eyes shoved in his mouth, making it feel as if not only his tongue was burning but his entire mouth. He shrieks with the spoon still in his mouth.

Lucifer was starting to wonder if there was something in the food that Satan made that’s making everyone behave more chaotic than usual. Then again, Beelzebub ate a truckload worth of food so far and he still seems to be fine.

Asmodeus leans close to Satan and whispers in his ear, “By the show of your fingers, tell me the level of how drunk you think you are so I’ll know what I’m dealing with exactly.”

Satan stares hard at his fingers as if they were an advanced math equation and holds up all ten of them, stating with his burnt tongue, “Twanee.”

“Twenty. Right. Okay.”

“I’m going to take off my clothes.”

“Sure thing- no- wait. Don’t do that,” Asmodeus quickly corrects himself. He’s just so used to approving a line like that that he encouraged it out of habit.

“But that food you gave me was so hooooot.”

“How about I give you some milk to cool you down, then?”

“Naaaaah. You’re a good buddy, but it’s fine,” Satan rejects, patting him on the back while giggling. His cheeks are starting to look redder. “Wow, your skin is soft.”

“That it is,” Asmodeus gleams, never failing to accept any compliment.

“So smooth…” Satan repeatedly rubs Asmodeus’ hand as if it was soap.

“Heehee. Are you trying to excite me?” Asmodeus jokes. However, after noticing Satan fumble to unbuckle his belt, he grabs his wrist and cries, “No- really- are you trying to excite me!?”

“Haha! No, silly, I’m just hot. Besiiides, Yuki wants me to strip; that’s why she’s watching me.”

Asmodeus finally takes notice of Yuki, who was in fact watching, but after being called out, is now looking down at the table to hide her blush and mumbling in embarrassment, “No, that’s not it…”

“It’s okay to give in to your desires, Yuki,” Asmodeus flirts, teasing her a bit.

“She wasn’t lookin’ at Satan like that, Asmo! She said so herself!” Mammon quickly defends her.

“This just in: the brains won the girl over from the no brains. Basically, Mammon’s love life just got rekt,” Leviathan narrates as he types what he said onto his phone.

“Hey- this isn’t about love! I’m not in love with Yu- with that human...!” Mammon denies.

“More intel on the matter: Mammon is the ugliest tsundere I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m sick of hearin’ your fake news, Levi.”

“I’m sorry, let me change the words to something more true to the situation: despite stupid Mammon trying so hard to win Yuki over, he was defeated by literally all of his brothers, and he now cries about it to the awesome and amazing Leviathan, who did not ask.” Leviathan smiles at his new narration as if satisfied and says, “Hey, I can make this the title for a light novel.”

Yuki, having pity on Mammon, tells him, “Thank you for believing me, Mammon.”

A wide smile spreads on Mammon’s face and he feels proud as he boasts to Leviathan, “Ha! You see that? She appreciates me. She respects me. And you know why? It’s because she knows how to treat the awesome Mammon the right way!”

“Congratulations, your master spared you a bone.”

“That’s right!” Mammon fails to notice that that was an insult.

Asmodeus- for the first time- was glad that his brothers were being troublesome, since it made Lucifer have to give all of his attention on them and not on Satan and him. Still, the way that he never noticed any of the strange things Satan was saying and doing was odd. 

He didn’t have much time to think about it, though, because he just noticed that Satan suddenly wasn’t next to him. His eyes dart all around the place until he spots Satan right next to Belphegor, petting his head. 

“I really like you, buddy… You’re so fun, haha. I really like youuuu…”

“Satan, are you drunk?”

“Noooo hee hee hee!”

“I didn’t even catch you finishing your first cup of cider; were you always this lightweight?”

“You're so fluffy… Haha… So fluffy.”

“Please stop touching my head.”

“Satan, how are you this intoxicated? I saw you only sip once from your cup,” Lucifer questions, watching him from his seat.

“Oh- it’s really funny, actually. You’re going to laugh so hard! Get this, Luci-luce…”

“‘Luci-luce’,” Leviathan snickers along with Mammon.

Asmodeus quickly stepped in before Satan could continue, “I spiked his drink!”

Lucifer turns to him with a sceptical look and asks, “Why would you do that?”

“To liven things up. Satan is totally a fun drunk.”

“That’s true, but he also becomes a nuisance. You really shouldn’t have done something like this for a reason so small.”

Feeling as if he’s going to get a lecture from Lucifer if he says any further, Asmodeus responds, “Wow, so serious!”

He notices Belphegor giving him an amused look. Without having to say anything, he’s obviously thinking something like, “I know what's going on now.”

‘Don’t give me that look, Belphie…’ Asmodeus thinks to himself. By just wandering his eyes a little, he catches Beelzebub giving him a disappointed look that read, “Did you really have to mess with a perfectly good drink just to get your brother drunk…?”

‘Please don’t give me that look, Beel!’

Satan pointed a finger at Lucifer and shouted, “You don’t get to tell him what to do, Lucifer! You’re not his dad!”

“No, but as all of your older brother, I do have the responsibility to stop you guys from doing anything stupid,” Lucifer responded without falter.

“The only thing that’s stupid is your forehead, stupiiiiid!” Satan was beginning to get really heated up.

“Maybe I should take him to his room?” Beelzebub suggested out of concern for his brother’s wellbeing.

Lucifer rejects with a smile, “No, keep him. Asmo is right, he’s really entertaining when he’s drunk.”

Asmodeus and Beelzebub could sense a dark aurora coming out of him.

“You go, Satan! Give him a piece of your mind!” Belphegor cheers him on, really enjoying the moment.

Mammon joins in on encouraging him, “Yeah! Tell him how he’s like an annoying old man!”

Lucifer drops his smile as he responds to Mammon, “Mammon, you do realise that that still came out of your mouth, right?”

Realising his slip-up, Mammon sweats and nervously laughs, “Haha! Wow, seems like Asmo must have spiked my drink, too.”

“Nope, never did,” Asmodeus easily denies.

“Asmo! Help me out here!”

Lucifer’s smile returns as he says, “You’ll get your attention later, Mammon.”

Mammon began fearing the near future.

Satan laughs loudly before continuing, “You think I’m entertaining? I’ll show you something entertaining!”

“Yeah, yeah, Satan, tell him,” Belphegor eggs him on.

“Just wait until you realise that Belpie and I filled your bed up with fire ants! Hahaha! You’re going to be sooooo mad!”

“And I’m out,” Belphegor responds, pretending to sleep on the table before Lucifer could say anything to him.

“Oh, how impressive. Do you have anything else you’d like to share?” Lucifer asks.

“Yeah, I do! I spiked your drink with magic alcohol and you didn’t even notice, haha! You’re going to be sooo drunk and it’s going to be soooo funny, hee hee!”

“The stories of a drunk man sure are bizarre, aren’t they?” Asmodeus asks, feeling as if he’s lost complete control of the situation.

Seeing that Lucifer was silent and his face showed no distinct emotion, everyone but Satan stared in silence, waiting to see what he’s going to do. With a snarky grin, Satan ribbed, “What’s wrong, Luci? Did I piss you off? Did I make you upset? I’d love to see your face full of dread.”

A short sound suddenly came out of Lucifer that made everyone tense up before he broke out in laughter. Caught off by his reaction, Satan says with annoyance, “Huh? No, don’t laugh! I’m supposed to make you miserable! Miserable! I make your life a living nightmare!”

“Do you? But you make my nightmare really pleasurable.”

“Really? Is that so?” Satan seemed to suddenly lose all of his anger in a flash. 

“Yes. You seem to want to entertain me so badly that you even got Asmo to help you in your failed little prank.”

“Wow...! Wow! You actually acknowledge my effort! You’re a great guy, actually.”

“Thank you.”

Satan breaks out in a fit of laughter and Lucifer joins him.

“What is this? I can’t tell if they're getting along or not,” Belphegor puzzles, not being able to pretend he’s asleep after witnessing the weird scene playing out.

“It’s more like they’re getting along, but that’s only because Satan can’t realise that Lucifer’s low-key making fun of him,” Leviathan inputs, who- by the way- has not yet lifted his legs off of Mammon’s chair.

Noticing what Lucifer said, Asmodeus felt as if he'd been struck by an anvil. He shouts in surprise, “Hold up- what!? You knew what was going on from the start and you pretended you didn’t!?”

“Of course. I switched my drink with Satan’s before any of us drank and then Satan began acting funny once he took a sip. It’s not hard to believe that he tried to spike my drink,” Lucifer explains. “Oh, and about that claim you made of spiking Satan’s drink, that’s obviously a lie. Care to explain why you were on Satan’s side with his mischief, Asmo?”

Asmodeus felt speechless, realising with dread that all the effort he put in trying to help Satan was for nothing. He sighs before answering, “Yes, I would. Hold on.” He takes Satan’s drink which was still almost full and takes a sip, immediately getting affected by the magic and becoming heavily drunk. With tears in his eyes, Asmodeus cries, “I just wanted a picture of Satan’s body, but it was all for nothing! Everything was for nothing! You toyed with me, Luci! You’re so meeeeeaan!”

Satan cheers, “That’s the spirit, Asmo! We should see who can drink the most before passing out.”

“No, I believe that’s enough from you two. Excuse me, everyone, I have to go take these two to bed.” Lucifer gets up and easily takes a hold of Asmodeus with one arm and Satan in the other. 

“Woah, I’m flying!” Satan gasps in awe.

Asmodeus continues to sob, “I wanted pictures of all my brother's hot bods! This isn’t fair! I wasted minutes of my beautiful youth for nothing!”

Once Mammon was sure that Lucifer left far enough to not hear anything, he said, “Good, Lucifer’s gone. Now I can do this.”

“Do what-” just as Leviathan was asking, he got his chair lifted into the air along with him on it and pinned to the ground, shrieking hysterically as it happened. With a victory cheer, Mammon sat on his chair now that Leviathan’s legs weren’t in the way and boasted, “The great Mammon wins again! I am number one!”

Beelzebub swallows the last of his food and states, “All done.”

Noticing that every plate has been cleared off, Mammon shouts, “What the- Beel, you ate all the food!”

“Yep,” Beelzebub gives a simple response as if there isn’t any problem.

“Mammon unsurprisingly ends up being the loser yet again,” Belphegor snickers.

“No way! This isn’t fair! Beel and Belphie, you guys have to make me food!” Mammon orders.

Beelzebub replies, “Okay, but there’s only a ten per cent chance that you will actually receive your food.”

“Huh? I have to help? That’s strange, I’m suddenly actually getting sleepy…” Belphegor mutters, actually dozing off.

Noticing that he actually fell asleep, Mammon cursed, “Aw, shit!”

All the while, Yuki has run over to Leviathan, who lies on the floor with his eyes closed. She kneels down and holds him in her arms while asking in worry, “Levi, are you okay!?”

Leviathan slowly opens his eyes and utters, “Huh? Yuki… actually holding me…? No way this is real… I must be in a coma. Haha, what a wonderful coma.” With that, he weakly smiles and closes his eyes once more. Yuki felt as if she was in some kind of war movie and wondered if yelling out his name would be too cliche.

Mammon shrugs, “Welp, at least I get to go look for Levi’s valuables while he’s unconscious.”

That got Leviathan to quickly jolt up to his legs and growl Mammon’s name, making the older brother twitch from the jumpscare.

Despite the very eventful dinner, everyone seemed to make it out alright in the end. Yuki’s glad.

. . .

The next day, Satan watches his drunk self on Yuki’s D.D.D. with a major headache, feeling dreadful the more he watches. Yuki recorded the whole event from beginning to end, right when he took a sip of his cider to when he was taken away by Lucifer, bubbling over “flying”.

“Yuki…” He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds before continuing, “Why did you record this?”

“Because you told me to in our messages,” Yuki states.

“That’s true… Guess I can’t really be mad at you for that.” Satan pinches his head and groans, “Now I have to see Lucifer’s stupid smug smile.”

“Don’t worry, right now he’s giving all of his time on Mammon’s punishment and Belphie’s lecture for insulting him with you since he didn’t get the chance to do so yesterday.”

“Belphie sure is strong to join me in Lucifer’s slander despite knowing the consequences.”

“Yep.”

Mammon’s bravery gets ignored.

“Sorry for… uh… my behaviour last night while I was drunk,” Satan apologises awkwardly.

“Huh?” Yuki tilts her head in confusion. “It was fine, you weren’t too bad.”

The part where he wanted to strip for her tells him otherwise. Wanting to not bring it up in case she forgot, he asks, “Now since you showed me it, you are going to delete the video and not send it to anyone, right?”

“If that’s what you want, then of course I’ll delete it.”

Satan smiles brightly as he responds, “Thanks, Yuki.”

Yes, as long as it will make him happy, deleting the video is no problem for Yuki. Well, more like as long as she gets to keep all the pictures she took of his silly and cute drunk face that he doesn’t know about.

**Author's Note:**

> As you can tell, I had a super fun time writing this; I hope you had just as fun reading it.


End file.
